he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
