I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
