1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
