my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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