hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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