This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
