seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
