That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
