its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
