oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
