I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Who died my cat blue again?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
