oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
