I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
