I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
