she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
