I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
