Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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