so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
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OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
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Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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