So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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