Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
