I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬