honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.