first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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