on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
