You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's never too late to be topless.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
