I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
