The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
