There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
