dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
