none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
