is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
