I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize