i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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