You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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