New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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