Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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