Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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