I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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