Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
there's paper in my vomit.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
