Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
