so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
