Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
