The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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