i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
