dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
