I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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