Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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