OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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