Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I want a musical about memes.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
