She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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