don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
