loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
