Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
