What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
