What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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