hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
