im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize