bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
