You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize