Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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