I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
