from now on my penis is your penis
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
