The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
