i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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