when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
