Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This house was built for laser tag.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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