HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
