She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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