At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
