I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
