Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
