Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize