And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
