This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
